How to Surrender Your Marriage to God (The First Step to Restoration & Refinement)

“Lord, I give you my husband, my marriage, and myself. What I’m doing isn’t working. I’m tired. I’m hurting. I want my marriage, but it is not what I imagined. I want to be the woman you’ve called me to be. Please help us. Help me. Take my husband, my marriage, my children, my heart and do your will. I trust you.”

Now… those may not have been my exact words, but I definitely prayed a version of this prayer during one of the hardest moments of my life.

As you see, my prayer wasn't poetic or perfectly put together. It was just a “God, I don’t know what else to do” kind of prayer.

I was on the floor sitting alone, completely exhausted, realizing that I had nothing left to try. I had reached the end of me and weirdly, that’s where hope finally began.

That moment became the start of my restoration and refining. Not because everything magically changed… but because I finally stopped trying to be the fixer, the controller, the planner, the captain of my marriage.

Scripture says, “Cast your burden on the Lord, and He will sustain you,” and “Come to Me, all you who are weary, and I will give you rest. "And I’ll be honest, I used to read those verses, nod, and then go right back to trying to handle everything myself. That was my pattern.

I had to finally realized those verses weren’t suggestions. They were invitations.

Before God restores anything around you, He gently begins restoring what’s within you. And for me, that meant letting go of the parts of myself that were trying so hard to hold everything together. My fear, my anxiety, my assumptions, my emotional reactions, the pressure I put on myself, and the need to “fix it today.”

Surrender for me wasn’t some big spiritual event. It was simply choosing, little by little, to hand God the things I couldn’t carry, the things I worried about, the things I cried about, & the things I replayed in my mind. All of it.

And even though I’m still walking through my journey, still growing, still learning, still refining… I can honestly say surrender became my turning point.

When you surrender, your heart doesn’t just soften, it begins to open. It opens enough for God to truly enter. He wants to come in… but He waits for your invitation. Before He brings breakthrough, He aligns your heart with His.

This is just my story, not a sermon or a formula. Just the honest truth of what happened when I finally stopped trying to be God in my own life… and let Him be God again.

WHAT SURRENDER REALLY MEANS

Surrender is not giving up, it’s simply letting go of your tight grip and giving everything over to God. Yes… everything! Your marriage. Your emotions. Your fears. Your expectations. Your timeline. Your version of “how things should go.”

And here’s the part nobody really talks about: Surrender isn’t just handing things to God, it’s actually trusting Him with whatever He decides to do with it.

“Lord, I want Your will more than I want my own way.”

I had to remind myself often that God’s Word is true when He says He will withhold no good thing from those who walk uprightly. (Psalm 84:11)

So if I’m surrendering, obeying, and staying aligned with Him…I don’t have to fear the outcome. God is incapable of giving me less than what is good.

Surrender is the exact moment you stop fighting in your own strength and begin walking fully in God’s strength.

HOW TO SURRENDER (A STEP-BY-STEP GUIDE)

Take it from me, choosing to surrender is not about losing, it’s about finally letting yourself breathe. If what you’ve been doing hasn’t been working anyway… what do you really have to lose by letting God carry it with you?

Here’s what surrender started to look like for me, step-by-step:

1. Acknowledge what you’re still holding onto.

Be honest with God. It’s just you and Him.

Name it out loud or write it down.

For me, it sounded like:

• “My heart hurts.”

• “I’m afraid for my marriage.”

• “This is not how I imagined my marriage to go.”

• “I’m trying to control and fix things, and it’s not working.”

God already knows how you feel, but there is something powerful about admitting it to Him.

2. Pray the prayer of release.

This doesn’t have to be fancy or long. It can be as simple as:

“Lord, I give this to You. My ideas and ways are not working. I can’t fix this on my own. I need you to step in, to guide me, to heal what I can’t. I trust you with this.”

And here’s the honest part: Your heart might not fully feel those words the first time you say them. That's okay.

Keep praying it until your heart slowly begins to line up with your words. For me surrendering was a process, not a single moment.

3. Replace fear with Scripture.

Surrendering can sound good and all… but living it out can feel scary. Fear will come. Doubt will come. Your mind will ask, “What if this doesn’t work?” or “What if things get worse?”

That’s when you address fear with God’s Word.

When doubt says, “This is impossible,” you remind your heart: “With God, all things are possible.”

When fear says, “You’re not strong enough,” you respond: “His strength is made perfect in my weakness.”

Scripture gives your heart something steady to hold onto when your emotions feel wobbly. It’s like choosing to lean on a promise instead of a feeling.

4. Take a posture of obedience.

This part is big. You can’t say, “I trust God,” and then live every day like there’s no hope left.

A surrendered heart doesn’t mean you stop caring — it means you keep doing good, even when the outcome is still unclear.

It looks like:

• actions of love & kindness

• choosing peace over anger

• responding slow instead of reacting fast

• letting go of the need to control every detail

• choosing patience when you want to rush

• trusting God’s timing instead of forcing your own

Scripture tells us not to grow weary in doing good and to stay upright — that’s our part of the promise.

Obedience isn’t about perfection. It’s about intentionality — choosing day by day, to move toward God instead of away from Him.

5. Keep surrendering — daily.

Surrender is not a one-time prayer you pray and never revisit. It’s more like a rhythm.

Some days you’ll feel strong and steady. Other days you’ll feel all over the place.

On both kinds of days, you'll get the opportunity to tell God:

“Lord, I give this to You again & again. My heart, my marriage, my emotions, my fears. I trust you more than I trust what I see.”

That’s what a surrendered life really looks like, not perfect, but continually returning everything back into His hands.

 IN CONCLUSION: A FINAL WORD ON SURRENDER

Surrender isn’t always easy, but it is freeing if you do it right. It lifts the pressure you’ve been carrying. It invites peace back into places where chaos has been living. And most importantly… it opens the door for God to do what only He can do.

If you’re reading this and you feel tired, overwhelmed, unsure, or afraid of what’s ahead — I want you to know this:

You’re not weak. You’re not failing. You’re not alone.

You’re simply standing in the place where its probably time for you to surrender.

This is not your ending; let this be your beginning. Invite God to step in, softens what feels hardened, strengthens what feels shaky, and aligns your heart with His timing, His wisdom, and His love.

As you begin this journey; I want to leave you with a few tools that helped me along the way. These are simple things you can save, revisit, pray through, and meditate on when your emotions try to lead you somewhere your faith isn’t meant to go.

SCRIPTURES TO KEEP YOU STEADY

1. Proverbs 3:5–6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.”

2. Psalms 55:22 “Cast your burden on the Lord, and He will sustain you.”

3. Matthew 11:28 “Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

4. Psalm 37:7 “Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him.”

5. James 4:7 “Submit yourselves therefore to God.”

6. 1 Peter 5:7 “Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.”

7. Philippians 4:6–7 “Do not be anxious… but in everything, by prayer and petition, present your requests to God.”

8. Romans 12:1 “Offer your bodies as a living sacrifice…”

9. Isaiah 55:8–9 “My thoughts are not your thoughts…”

10. Psalm 46:10 “Be still, and know that I am God.”

A PRAYER TO SURRENDER

“Lord, I surrender my heart, my marriage, my desires, my fears, and every part of my life into Your hands. Right now, I choose will over my own. I release control and trust that what you are doing in me and around me. Soften my spirit, steady my emotions, and align my heart with yours. I place everything at your feet. Help me. I know I can't do this without you. Amen.”